Coreopsis, from my dad & stepmom's garden in Ohio, June 2009
I am in Atlanta for the quarterly conference with the Future Thinking community I am a member of.
It has been a profound day for me.
One of the biggest things I got was how I keep myself from blooming big in my life because of some deep-seeded fixed mindsets I live in.
I read this quote yesterday in Lisa Sonora Beam's wonderful book, The Creative Entrepreneur:
"We are the only species on Earth capable of preventing our own flowering." — David Whyte
What Jan Smith, my coach and teacher, opened me up to today is how fixed and embedded my mindset is that I am my body.
Meaning, I see my worthiness tied up in my body. How I look. How I feel. How and what I eat. How other people see me.
And it's kind of a bummer.* Because my soul loves to delight in the sense-sational nature of life.
(*it's actually way worse than a bummer. It's kind of soul-sucking-sucky-sad.)
Jan offered me the chance to paint a new picture of how my life might be if I could fully be sensuously alive in my body — with any regard to how it appears externally.
What could open up if an invitation to go skinny dipping with my girlfriends didn't bring up fear for me?
What could open up for me if I didn't look in the mirror and immediately criticize how I looked?
What could open up for me if when my husband complimented me on how he loves my body, I could fully take it in and appreciate it?
What could open up for me if I could fully enjoy the food I eat for the amazing sensory experience it provides?
What could open up if I could delight in all my senses and feel fully alive — no matter how I thought I looked in the moment?
(um, like, everything could open up for me.)
I get that the possibilities are huge.
And I've been tender tonight as I grieve all the ways I have shut myself off from all sorts of wonder, possibility and connection because I have been living — up until now — in this fixed mindset.
It's interesting to me how I can see the beauty in flowers so easily.
I don't criticize the flower for the broken or misshapen petal.
With all flowers, I only see its inherent gift — its sacred center — and its beautiful flower essence.
I'm able to see the beauty and sacred soul that people are beneath their behaviors, too.
(Well, at least sometimes, I can. I'm still growing past my judgments and healing my fears and mirrors in certain situations.)
What I got from today (in flower-terms) is how I can grow into being really rooted in the beautiful flower I am. Regardless of external stuff, like how I look or fears of whether people will judge me.
Where I am intending to stand going forward is here:
No matter what my flowering looks like — lop-sided, broken, ripped, or messy — I still see myself as an amazingly beautiful bloom, whole and complete just as I am, in every moment and no matter what goes on externally.
I'm going to have be intentionally practicing living from this new lens to really get it in my body.
But it's something I'm willing to do.
Because the possibilities for my fullest flowering depend on it.
Tell me, what helps to ground you in the beautiful flower you are?
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Flowering Fridays is a weekly look at flowers through the lens of what they might teach us about flowering fully in our life. Past editions are here.