Beginning blooms of a daisy, in the garden of my grandparent's old house
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.— E.B. White
Having become something of a semi-expert in the watching of flowers bloom, I know that this much is true:
There are times when the bloom happens easily, and times when the blooming takes it good ole time.
I am definitely a slow moving bloom of late.
I just want to be. To soak up. To take in.
I'm a little too into the energy of summer right now.
(I'm having a great time, of course. I've been walking and loving up a calf. And yesterday we had dinner in our pjs bed and went to bed at 8 p.m.)
But I'm like a melty ice cream cone. All soft and mushy and, to be a honest, a bit messy, too.
Anything that remotely looks like responsibility I am resisting. My "to-do" list for the day is rebelled against like a teenager with an 8 p.m. curfew.
Of course, some of this impulse is good — and needed.
I can sometimes be too much work and not enough play.
But I sense there is bit of fear and procrastination at work here, too.
Because I'm noticing that I'm resisting moving forward on my book project.
Oh, the ways I invent to procrastinate.
I wipe off the countertops, surf the web mindlessly, organize my closet, or have a sudden need for a tall, decaf, nonfat, iced latte.
I'm finding that I'm procrastinating even with the simplest action steps on the book.
Even with a teeny-weeny one, I am resisting.
And it's because I'm scared.
And since I'm aware enough to know this, my next question is what to do with this information.
Do I let the blooming on this project slow down a bit to honor where I'm at right now?
Do I break off my action steps into even smaller ones?
(Like itsy-bitsy ones. Ones that even a spider could manage.)
Or do I explore the source of this fear that keeps me from blooming bigger in the world?
(Because in my heart and soul, I so want to offer this project to the world. I really truly do.)
I don't have an answer at this moment (it might be a combination of all three that's needed), but it's a question I'm going to ponder for the next few days and see what emerges.
Tell me, what is your process when you notice that you are not blooming forward on a project that you really want to bloom big with?
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Flowering Fridays is a weekly look at flowers through the lens of what they might teach us about flowering fully in our life. Past editions are here.