Petaled raunculus, April 2009
Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language…At present you need to live the question. Perhaps gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day. — Raine Maria Rilke
The above quote is one of my longtime favorites, and it showed up on a handout Sunday when I attended a Living and Listening Authentically seminar in Madison with Jan Smith, my teacher and coach in the Future Thinking Program I participate in.
Part of our conversation centered around getting past all the judgments we can make of others — our "shoulds," our characterizations, our assumptions — and moving to a place where we could begin to begin to be truly curious for another person and truly be in conversation.
(Jan's core principle, which I love, is that the way we listen determines the entire outcome of our lives.)
Part of the way we can get curious is by asking curious questions.
Jan shared how much our brain adores questions, for questions engage the frontal lobe — a place where our capacity for creativity, wonder and possibility reside.
By asking questions with an eye for discovering, "what you don't know that you don't know" (as I've heard Jan say on several occasions) you open up a whole new world of possibility for ourselves and our relationships.
Most of us, myself included, generally prefer the certainty of answers. We like the safety of knowing. (Even if it is a false sense of safety.)
I used to think that questions were something that stops motion and causes more of a swirl. But I'm finding that being with the questions actually invites new (and better) possibilities.
I'm discovering that when I can be with the questions — wondering about myself, my life and others — amazing things happen.
Things like Wonder. Heart-full Connection. New Opportunities. More Choices. Clarity. Next Action. What's at the Center. Healing. Grace. Compassion.
And much, much more.
It's like unfolding the petals of this raunculus, pulling apart the layers to reach a radiant center of new possibility.
I'm learning I won't stick the safety of answers anymore.
There's too much gold in living the questions.
Tell me, how you can live more fully the questions in your life?
P.S. Here's a practice I learned from Jan, have a conversation with someone for 30 minutes where all you do is ask open-ended questions. I'll bet you'll be surprised by what you discover.