Passiflora/Passion vine, taken at Garden Arts in New Smyrna Beach, FL, April 9, 2009
I'm sensing a theme about weeding in my life of late. (See two most recent posts here and here.)
Before our trip to Florida, I did some much-needed weeding. But not in my garden. Nope, this was necessary indoor weeding.
Of my closet. And clothing bins in the attic. (Some seven bins in all). And a closet in a spare bedroom.
It's embarassing all the clothes I've been hoarding and holding on to: Three boxes of maternity clothes I have not worn for nine years. One box of clothes in my smallest size, that only fit for six months five years ago. Clothes that I didn't even like. Clothes that didn't fit. Clothes I bought on a whim and then wore only once or twice. Clothes that the moment I put them on I would say to myself "I look dumpy."
I didn't realize until I start this purge in a fit of inspiration on a Sunday afternoon that I had so much shame about all these clothes.
I have been carrying around the weight of all this clothing baggage for many, many years.
And something inside me — I'm still not quite sure what — said "Enough."
Enough with the shame and self-flagellation.
Enough with hanging on to the clothes for someday. Like when I'm thinner. Or if I get pregnant again.
Enough with wearing the clothes that only caused more negative self-talk.
At the Future Thinking gathering in January, Sarah, one of my friends from the program, shared how she went through her closet and got rid of any clothes that she didn't love and didn't love how she looked in. Now, she has a closet only filled with clothes she loves and loves how she looks in them.
To me, she radiated a beauty, confidence and positive energy from making this decision.
And she did look great in all her clothes.
I kept her in mind as I weeded with abandon.
Out with everything I didn't like, that didn't fit, that I didn't wear, that was stained.
What remained were clothes that when I put on, I felt great. Clothes that fit. Clothes that when I looked in the mirror I said, "Wow, I look good!"
What remained was one closet and one bin in the attic (filled with heavy winter sweaters that I love and will keep until the snow comes again).
I gave away five large garbage clothes to St. Vincent de Paul's. And I gave six department store bags of clothes to a couple friends who I thought might enjoy the clothes more than I did.
It felt so good to release all those clothes. And to release all that shame.
It feels so good to open my closet and know that everything in the closet is something I love and have chosen to keep.
The weeding of my closet also helped me to see what kinds of clothes I truly love and look good on me. I find now that when I'm looking to purchase something new, I hold the new item to my new standards. Only those clothes that "pass" get bought.
I feel a bit like this above photo of the gorgeous passion vine flower — uniquely, beautifully and boldly me. Which is exactly the kind of radiant bloom I want to show up as in the world.
Tell me, what area of your life can you weed out to make way for you to be the radiant bloom that you are?
Closet Overhaul, taken with iPhone using CameraBag filters